Monday, November 3, 2008

I Am A Frazzled Mom

Ok, first of all I have been trying to figure out a way to approach this subject but I think I just need help. That is what it comes down to.
I have a wonderful son that I love so very much. He is the sunlight in my life. I have always called him my "sunshine". He is now 10 and it is getting very hard. He has ADHD and I just don't know what to do anymore. He is on medication, and it works most of the time but his mood swings are terrible. It is to the point I just don't even know him very well anymore. I am losing who I am too. A couple of years ago he started having seizures too that have affected his behavior. He has been seizure free for two years though so we think we may be out of those woods.
I just need advice and I think I am at a point where I consider all of you my friends. I know that ADHD is very common and sometimes over diagnosed but without a doubt he has it. There are some other traits that go along with ADHD that are very frustrating. I just don't know where the line between -Oh that is just his "condition" and You know better than that- is. Impulsive behavior is something I just don't understand. Some of the things he does I just stand there and think "What have I raised? I have totally failed as a mother". Tears are always there, I just can't hold them back anymore. I love him so much and want him to know that but it is SOOO hard to reach out to someone that is so mean and nasty to me.
I got a phone call from his teacher about a month ago and it keeps running through my mind "Mrs. Dover, do you allow him to treat you with disrespect at home?". What kind of question is that???? What kind of mother LOOKS for disrespect? Maybe it IS my fault and I DO mess up.....
Sorry to be mopie, that is not who I am, I just hope someone out there that comes to our blog will be able to help me better understand.For an "disorder" that is so common, I feel so very alone and confused. It has been a very hard road and he isn't even a teenager!!!!!!!
Thank you so much. We love all of you and have such a fun time with this blog.


Shauna said...

I hear you.
My 11 year old daughter has Aspergers and ADD is a "side" symptom.
Two of my three grown sons have ADD/HD
It does wear you out and unless someone is living your life, they just don't "get it".
There are resources such as parent support groups through doctors, schools, and community groups. I find it helpful to talk with parents who are in the same boat as I am.
I find that I have to simplify my life and not have my hands in so many pots (which is hard because I am a doer and goer) When I am going in too many directions, it seems like my daughters symptoms are magnified.
I have to limit the running around and going for my daughter as far as very little after school commitments, etc. I could not even let her stay to practice for the Primary Program yesterday as it was too chaotic which causes her to be further out of focus.
I dont even try to explain it to some people. I just do what I know she needs and hope it is the right thing.
I should e-mail you as this comment will get too long.
Just know you are not alone.

Kellie said...

I don't have advice and I don't have much experience with motherhood (my guys are 1 and 3) but I know you are not alone in how you feel!!!

My heart goes out to you and I can only imagine the pain/frustration you are experiencing right now.

Just remember that you are his mom for a reason and he does love you, even if it doesn't seem like it at times!!!

We will keep you and your family in our prayers and thoughts!

Letti said...

(((hugs))) I am here to give support not advice. I hope you know that you are not alone in this. Their are several moms who have to deal with these things everyday. MAybe there are support groups in your area that you can attend. I have 5 children and one is my stepson. He is always acting up at school on the days that he is with his mom and my husband and I have tried everything to fix the problem but nothing is working. I feel embarrased and ashamed because I feel like we should be able to fix the problem. I know that this is nothing close to what you are going through but I might have a glimpse of it. I will keep you and your family in my prayers hang in there.

Kris said...

Sorry it's rough going. Good thing we have a night out tomorrow.

Candy said...

i love your title. we're all frazzled moms at some point in our day. some of us have bigger crosses to bear than others, but have no doubt in your mind that your blog sisterhood is here for you! :)

I have no knowledge about ADHD or its treatments, but i would like to throw this out there that i have a friend who is a teacher and she told me that several of her students were able to actually find focus in their day when they were on Mountain Dew! apparently, there is something with the caffeine of that drink that actually tends to counteract some of the symptoms. I am not sure if this is even worth looking into but i wanted to pass along the info and let you know that I am sure you are a fantastic mother and none of us can take blame for our childrens' shortcomings or flaws. We just all do the best we can with the hand we're dealt.

Sending good thoughts your way!

DV- Rebecca L. said...

Two of my little ones are bi-polar and I know how the meds don't always work like you want them to. The best thing that has helped us (yes I know it is different, but it is the mood swings you mentioned are bothersome) is EFT. Emotional Freedom Technique, it is very alternative but also free and painless. I am certified in accupreasure and when I learned about this is made total sense to me in that profession, here is the website and about children with this issue
There is a free manual - don't spend any money. I have EFT beginning and Advanced certificates and if you need any help I would do it for free also.
Don't rule it out because it looks stupid- it works- and there is no equipment.
Hang in there. My brother had this growing up- and he is an awesome man, father, husband, brother,son, etc. Hang in there and don't let anyone put you down who isn't living your situation every day and moment.

Kritta22 said...

I'm here to support you. i wish I had a solution.
Is there maybe a family counselor that can offer suggestions? Or maybe support group?
I just know you are his mom for a reason. Heavenly Father gave him to you to rise. You must be something special, girlfriend to have to deal with this. You are a superstar!
Sorry I can't help more. Just know we heart you!

Bryce and Candice Blood Family said...

My daughter's school sends home a news letter each week and they often have excerpts from love and logic. They recently mention ADHD and that some might wonder if love and logic will work with it. They say "Of course, children with ADHD display the same behaviors as other children, they are just exaggerated." I love the love and logic advice. My brother is also a school counselor and is always talking about what a positive method it is. I would may be look into getting the books or tapes.

I am sorry you have this challenge but I know you love your son, you'll get through this together. I bet he is just as frustrated as you are and I hope you find what works for you soon. He loves you even if he struggles.

aaronandsharla said...

Funny that I should read this today. My son's nursery leader at church thinks my kid has it- and my son is a very spirited 3 year old. and I am ticked that a church leader feels qualified to say things like this at church. I spent over 10 years in the classroom and am very aware of it and my kid does not have it. He is a BOY. Have you read the book "The Wonder of Boys"? I highly recommend you read it. I am reading it right now. Every person who raises boys or teaches them should read it and become aware of how boys are. I don't know how your son got diagnosed w/ this, but I think the medication is awful and I would take him off of it. -But I don't know your entire situation. I think it is like cocaine for kids. There was a study with 30,000 kids and it actually changed their brains and their personalities. I too believe it is way way way over-diagnosed. It can be a symptom of something else though. It isn't your fault. Just remember that. I think the best remedy is interaction and awareness and involvement on the part of the mom. There are things you can do -changing his diet, etc. But you probably know all this already. You can email me and I can tell you more how I feel about this...if you want....but my heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.